For our Sweet Angel

A quick warning - this post is about miscarriage, so if you are sensitive to this subject, you may wish to skip reading it.

Around Labour Day last year, our little family was hit with a big surprise. Ironically, after all of our struggles with infertility, out of nowhere, I was pregnant! Once the shock wore off, we became completely absorbed in the wonder and joy of this incredible gift.

But our miracle was short lived. Our sweet angel's tiny heart stopped beating. We were devastated. The kids had to grapple with understanding what had happened, and in the midst of it all, we lost Stephen's grandmother 5 days later. It was a difficult autumn.

Had the world turned differently, we would be bringing a little baby home to our house this week. I try not to think about it, but it stings.

Two days before we found out our angel had no heartbeat, I had Stephen take some photos of me pregnant. This photo shoot resulted in what is truly the only photo I have of me pregnant, since I didn't start scrapping until after the girls were born. Right after he took the pic, I uploaded it and ordered several hard copies for my friends and family. But by the time the photos came back from the printers, it was all over. So I still have 10 copies of that photo; me so happy and so hopeful.

I have always felt that one day, I would scrapbook that photo. I needed to scrap that photo.

So this week, I began. There is a French lullaby sung by Quebec children's entertainer Annie Brocoli called Toujours La (I'll Always Be There). I began playing it for the kids before they were born, and I have always found it sweet, yet haunting at the same time. While I was setting up the page, the song just pulled me in, and it just seemed right to create my LO around it.

Being the night owl that I am, I finished the LO in the middle of the night last night. Fitting, I think - cathartic in a way - that I finished it this very week.

So now that you have read this far (and thank you for bearing with me, by the way), I give you a little peek of what I finished in the wee hours. Over the weekend, when I have better natural light to photograph the entire LO, I will post it, and finish this story.